Learning to Fail, Failing to Learn
For the first time in over half a century I have failed an exam. I missed the pass mark by about 1.5%, but it was a fail nevertheless. My first reaction was a feeling of shame: I wasn’t good enough. But once I had moved past that, I was able to reflect and learn from the experience. So much so, that I was grateful for the gifts I would have missed out on if I had passed first time round.
Here are four takeaways to help us learn.
Shame as the gatekeeper to learning
One feeling that immediately arose was a sense of shame.
There is a small yet significant step between “I have failed” and “I am a failure”, between “I didn’t do well enough” and “I am not good enough”.
When we personalise our performance it’s easy to feel ashamed when we fall short of our standards. It’s easy to judge ourselves as less than we should be. Yet learning requires us to accept that we do not know everything, that there is something more that we need or want or ought to know, and that we do not yet know. Learning requires us to embrace the humility of not knowing. Once we accept ourselves as we are we can face our ambition to improve without guilt or shame. We can find a place for the part of ourselves that wants us to be more than we already are.
The journey, not the destination
Another feeling that struck me was my eagerness to retake the exam, to prove the result wrong. Partly this was to wipe away my shame at failing, but it struck me that I was totally missing the point. What was I taking the exam for - to gain another qualification, or actually to learn?
If we focus only on the destination, then meeting our goals and objectives becomes a binary equation: we either reach them or we don’t, we either pass or we fail. But if we focus on and value the process, we come to see the value of learning, improving, growing, irrespective of whether we reach our intended goal or not.
In this way we can fully embrace the benefits and pleasure of the journey. We can celebrate our achievements even if the original destination isn’t reached. In my case, I resisted booking my re-sit and threw myself into the process of learning, until I have reached the stage now where I’m enjoying the learning so much that I want to put off the re-take for as long as I reasonably can. The journey, not the destination, is a powerful reframe.
Before, during, after
What will I do differently next time? In any process-driven task or performance we often learn more from the doing than we learn from the learning. In these situations, it can help to divide our inquiry into three phases: the preparation, the performance, the aftermath. By asking ourselves open questions we gain insights into what is helpful and what needs improving.
What went well in your preparation? What was missing? What felt challenging? What will you do differently next time? How did you feel during the performance? What did you have that helped? What was missing that you needed? How will you make sure you have it next time? When it was over, what did you feel? What did you regret? With hindsight, what was missing?
By maintaining an attitude of curious, open enquiry, we can learn far more from our so-called failures than we do from our successes.
Embracing the near win
In her Ted Talk “Embrace the Near Win”, art historian Sarah Lewis discusses the difference between success and mastery. Mastery, she suggests, comes from embracing the near win. She points out that many a creative masterpiece is condemned by its creator as unworthy, while athletes and others in performative roles gain power and motivation from falling just short. The perspective is a powerful one. On the one hand, it acknowledges the achievement in almost succeeding. On the other hand, it finds energy in the knowledge that more is within reach. Embracing the fact that I had nearly passed energised me to move forward to higher standards. And so by inhabiting our leading edge in the space between what we have already achieved, and what we have yet to achieve, we continue on a journey towards mastery.
As Lewis puts it,